i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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