apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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