My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
