Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
