yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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