Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Come see our sink grown plant.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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