carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just had sex on a roof
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize