I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The feeling are messing with the penis
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
