He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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