my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
