Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
