You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
