she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
