You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
