Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
