i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
