Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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