mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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