why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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