I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
