PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
