I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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