Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
