Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
4 words: hood of his car
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
