My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize