i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
