I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
