she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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