Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
