Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
