Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
