good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
