The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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