Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
PANTIES FOUND
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