JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
