Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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