It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
