I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
