you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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