So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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