Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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