I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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