Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
