Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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