Taylor Swift is so right about you.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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