i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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