Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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