the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize