Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
