two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
