What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
