I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize