Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
