Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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