this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
