It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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