Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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