We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
