Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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