So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
