Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
