Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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