I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
