Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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