dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
