Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
