Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
